First to Lose Their Temper Is the Loser Art of War
"I cannot depict information technology. I cannot requite you any idea of the kindness, and generosity, and magnanimity of those men. When I think of information technology, information technology brings tears into my optics." -Charles Marshall, Aide de Military camp to Full general Robert East. Lee
General Lee was wearing a new clothes compatible, consummate with a cherry sash and exquisite gilded studded sword. Grant, who had not expected the surrender to happen and then quickly, was in crude field garb, speckled with mud from riding to the McLean House. When Lee made the decision to surrender, he had said, "at that place is nix left me simply to go and encounter General Grant, and I would rather die a thousand deaths." But not a trace of his ache could exist seen as the ii men sat beyond from each other as the Civil War drew to a shut. Grant reflected on that meeting:
"What General Lee's feelings were I do not know. As he was a man of much nobility, with an impassible confront, it was impossible to say whether he felt inwardly glad that the end had finally come, or felt sad over the upshot, and was too manly to show information technology. Whatever his feelings, they were entirely curtained from my ascertainment; but my own feelings, which had been quite jubilant on the receipt of his letter, were lamentable and depressed. I felt like anything rather than rejoicing over the downfall of a foe who had fought so long and valiantly, and had suffered much for a crusade."
The men conversed genially for a fourth dimension earlier getting down to business. Grant had no want to add to the humiliation of the man who was sixteen years his senior. He did non take Lee'due south sword, allowed the Confederate officers to retain their sidearms, the soldiers to continue their horses and mules for spring planting on their farms, and all the Confederate army to return to their homes free men, if they pledged never again to take up arms confronting the Wedlock. He also offered to give 25,000 rations to Lee's starving soldiers.
The two generals parted cordially after their coming together. As Lee mounted his equus caballus, Grant doffed his hat in respect, and his officers followed arrange. Lee tipped his chapeau in return and rode off.
four years. 625,000 deaths. And still one human was able to accept defeat with dignity. And the other was able to merits victory with grace.
Grant and Lee were examples of truthful gentleman. And yet how often do we struggle with doing likewise in the comparably modest losses and wins of our lives? How often do we autumn into the trap of being the angry sore loser or the smug victor?
In this two part serial, we will start wait at how to lose with dignity. We will then explore how to celebrate with grace.
How to Lose with Nobility
Accept responsibility for the loss.
A boy blames anybody and everything only himself when he loses—the refs made bad calls, the teacher had information technology out for him, somebody else must have cheated. A homo takes responsibility for what happened.
Bow out gracefully.
No 1 respects the man who's however howling for another recount even after the votes have been fairly tallied or the man who's yet pleading to go double or nothing once he'due south gotten into a hole. Once you've lost, bow out with your dignity intact.
When Full general Lee realized he had no choice but to surrender and informed his officers of his conclusion, one lamented, "O General, what will history say of the surrender of the army in the field?"
Lee answered:
"Yep, I know, they volition say hard things of the states; they will not understand how we were overwhelmed by numbers; but that is not the question, Colonel; the question is, is it right to surrender this ground forces? If information technology is right, then I will have all the responsibleness."
Acknowledge the winner.
At the conclusion of the 2010 Superbowl, Peyton Manning moped off the field without shaking the mitt of opposing quarterback Drew Brees and those of the victorious Saints.
Some said this was not unsportmanslike—that Manning was just disgusted with the loss and should be able to openly show that disgust (the "exercise whatsoever you lot experience like!" argument). But a failure to acknowledge the victory of your swain competitor shows a lack of respect for him; a man can be your rival, but you tin can all the same adore his backbone and his fight, and the fact that on this day, he fought harder. Sulking away also shows a lack of subject field on your part—you are and then overwhelmed with anger and grief at your loss that you cannot think of annihilation else but your own pity. Existence able to control your feelings in that moment is the mark of strength and self-control, not to mention perspective.
The presidential election of 1824 was a peculiarly bitter contest between Andrew Jackson and John Quincy Adams. Jackson had won the popular vote. But without a majority from the electoral college, the conclusion was thrown to the Firm, which chose Adams to exist the next president. On the dark he lost the ballot, Jackson attended a party at the White Firm where he came face up to face up with his rival. The moment was tense as the two men stared at one another. With his wife on his arm, it was Jackson who made the first movement, extending his hand to the president-elect and cheerfully inquiring, "How practice you do, Mr. Adams? I give yous my left hand, for the right, as you run into, is devoted to the off-white. I hope y'all are very well, sir." Answering with what an eyewitness recalled every bit "chilling coldness," Adams responded. "Very well, sir; I hope General Jackson is well." A party invitee was struck by the irony of the exchange: "It was curious to see the western planter, the Indian fighter, the stern soldier, who had written his land's glory in the blood of the enemy at New Orleans, genial and gracious in the midst of a court, while the old courtier and diplomat was stiff, rigid, cold as a statue!"
Of course if your rival is then despicable that he does not warrant fifty-fifty an iota of respect, then y'all demand not give him the respect of your acknowledgement. But be admittedly sure of that–in the heat of the moment you're apt to think he won through nefarious means, just to realize afterwards, in one case your anger has cooled, that he bested you fair and foursquare. This goes for contesting the results as well–unless yous're pretty sure that your case tin can be proven, information technology's all-time to be serenity; causing a row is apt to simply make y'all look like a petty, sore loser, hurting your reputation further.
And in some cases, even support the winner.
You've been putting in overtime at work. Doing the crappy jobs nobody else wants. Kissing butt and taking names. Merely when an upper-level position opens up, you lot get passed over for a new rent. You're livid. You think about quitting but don't really want to. And so you stay, but how will you care for the new hire? Will y'all rejoice in his foibles every bit he learns the ropes? Will you seek to sabotage his success? Or will you put aside your bruised ego for the proficient of the squad?
In 1940, England had lost faith in Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain and his appeasement policies. He was forced to footstep down, and Winston Churchill took his place. In the tardily 1930s, the two men had been rivals; Chamberlain was the admired upwards and comer and Churchill was the political pariah. Both had fervently desired to be Prime Minister, and while Chamberlain had accomplished the goal beginning, at present he was out of the job and his rival was in. But what many don't realize is that Churchill's position was tenuous as first; at that place were those in Parliament who did not trust this man who had for so long been known equally a reckless adventurer. It was Chamberlain who reassured the ranks of the Conservative Party and brought them into line behind Churchill, Chamberlain who accepted a position in Churchill'due south war chiffonier, chaired it during Churchill's frequent absences, and administrated domestic affairs, and Chamberlain who helped persuade Churchill not to negotiate with Germany and to fight on. The sharp turn in Chamberlain's fortune greatly depressed him, but his fellow chiffonier members noted that he never showed whatsoever animosity towards them and always worked every bit difficult as possible. It is idea that if this "loser" had not swallowed his pride and supported Churchill, the British Bulldog might not take lasted in office, and history could have turned out quite differently.
Larn from the loss and move on.
Some men manage to put on a dignified face immediately later a loss, but later on keep to question the victory of their rival—"He caught a lucky pause," "I don't recollect he really did the project himself." Instead, maintain your dignity and move on.
Every bit we discussed earlier this calendar week, losses and failures can be used as lessons and building blocks for getting amend. Instead of using your energy to continually stew over the past and bad oral fissure your rival, focus on preparing for the next challenge, the next competition. Effigy out why you lost. Detect out what your competitor did differently. Ask your boss for honest feedback on why you were passed over for the promotion. And if a re-match is not possible or desirable, and so get on with your life and fill it with new pursuits.
Read Part II here.
Do you accept stories from your own life or from history of men losing with nobility? Share them with us in the comments!
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Source: https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/behavior/lose-with-dignity-celebrate-with-grace-part-i/
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